The Missing Link
It was exactly 8:30 am, when an expensive SUV steered its way to
the gate of the school i went to, Vadala Prathmik Shala. My friends wore their
best clothes and I, mine. As the two officials stepped out of the
vehicle, loud music played in the background to welcome them. The noise was so loud that my ear drums just
managed to not rip apart. I don’t know
how much of a “welcome” it was. The officials smiled with great humility
and kindness as they skimmed through the crowd of students and teachers who had
gathered outside the main gate of the Shala. I too being a part of the
crowd, smiled back and said a loud - "Namaste Sahib", and bowed down
with my hands folded. Some of my classmates wore beautiful
chaniya-cholees to welcome the guests by applying a vermillion tikaa and rice
grains on their foreheads, as a sign of auspiciousness. I always admired their dresses, since I had
never had any!
Soon afterwards, the officials sat up on the raised make-shift
stage and were greeted with a bunch of fresh flowers, each. I could see
the exasperated face of a tiny green worm that peeked out, from under the rose
petal of one of the bouquets. Thankfully the official did not notice it,
but I did - because I presented it. Sweat poured from one their foreheads
and made her swipe her hand across her face 15 times a minute for the next 30
minutes. It was hilarious. One of the bright students of my class
took to the microphone and began reciting his written speech. One by one,
the events of the day unfolded. They commenced with a standard welcome
dance, which I watched without a blink because the girls in my class, with
their pretty cholees, looked mesmerizing. Next was a patriotic song that
we all sung together. Throughout the song I kept searching for the verses
of this song in my life, and wondered whether this was the song my country or
some other. Oh well, my search was in vain. As the song ended,
there was a moment of peace, when everything seemed quiet, including my mind.
But, no sooner did it become noisy once again. Our physical
training coach took to his feet and randomly went around, in an effort to
maintain the so called decorum among us, students. As I shuffled, trying
to seat myself more comfortably, my eyes sprang to the tray of goodies on the
table on the stage. The tray was filled with my favorite local toffees
and sweets. What I thought then, was when I had been asked to carry out
the task of presenting the flowers to the dignitaries, I was focused and
observed nothing but the greasy palms of the dignitaries while doing so.
My mind was completely involved in the benevolent action.
However, once the task was over, my mind, filled with all the excitement
in the world, observed the many distractions that lay around me - one of them
being the toffees. Who knew whether or not the toffees were for me?
Well, I genuinely wanted some - at least four. One for each in my
small family. They would be so happy. I could even tell them that I
won a prize and was offered the goodies by the dignitaries. They would be
so proud of me. Nevertheless, who wants to be a liar? The
consequences, after the cat comes out of the bag, would be far too harsh to
bear.
I was lost in my imaginative world of thoughts, with my mouth
slightly ajar, when suddenly, an annoying housefly almost drifted into my
mouth! I swung my hands aimlessly, in the process, poking one of my
friends, who sat near me, in the eye. It was quite embarrassing, trust
me! Some of the teachers looked back, over their shoulders with an irritated
frown on their faces. One of the dignitaries grinned at me. Oh how
the sense of being nonexistent crept in!
I do not know why, but suddenly, I felt so heavy – heavy with
emotions. My head seemed to weigh a
thousand pounds and I found it difficult to think. There was a sense of doom that haunted
me. The more I gave in, the more
daunting it seemed. Unexpectedly, vivid
visions of my village, my school and the people around me kept crossing my
mind. It frightened me,
mysteriously. Soon after, there was a
sense of escapism that rocked my spine, and my body shivered. I felt like a great ape whose brothers and
sisters had evolved into glorious men and women but who herself remained as is. Was I a part of an “ovarian lottery” which
would, eventually, determine my life’s destiny?
I come from one of the most backward places on Earth, it is just a
matter of a few years after which my parents would not be able to provide for
my education, I would be stuck in this dreary little village or may be some
other for the rest of my life – depending on where my future husband would be
from, and I would assume the role of a mother, who along with raising her
family would be perpetually victimized by her husband and in-laws. I could not stand it any further. I desperately wished to break out of this
life of mine. This life of mine which is
suppressed and oppressed by others seemed too miserable to live. I really wanted to fly into the azure sky and
be free… Someone poked me on my side and
I came alive into the present moment.
The dignitaries were presenting cycles to students who came from far off
places. My name was called too, and I
went up to the stage to collect mine. It
felt like a ritual. I walked back to my
place with the “bond” in my hand. That
was when I felt empty – hollow from the inside.
Something essential had been missing in my life and in those around
me. This was something that even my
teachers at school required. This was,
perhaps, something that all the world I knew lacked. It was the ability to seek asylum within
oneself and not anywhere else.
This approach would solve all my problems. I wonder why schools like mine do not teach
us the ability to do so. It is, as I
believe, the most important thing that a person needs in this world to
survive. People may not have realized
it, but the key to surviving taking moments is taking refuge in the infinite
power within. If I relied only on the
varying fancies of my mind, all the time, then my days would be a vicissitude
of moods and nothing more. “Dum dum
dum…” the drum beats roared up in the air.
And all of us walked in straight lines back to our classrooms. The dignitaries stood tall, where they were.
